R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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