Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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