even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
