Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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