Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
