Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
