omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
