wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
