I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
