After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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