I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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