I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
