pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
