just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
