I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
