I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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