We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
