he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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