I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All I want is dick and wine.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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