the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
