I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
