Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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