I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
