evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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