So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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