a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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