And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
