my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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