I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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