i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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