I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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