He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
