Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
