she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
