Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
