Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
