I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
