Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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