your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
