In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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