Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
