My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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