come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
