I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
