Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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