Already got asked if we're dating
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
