He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
