ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
