my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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