my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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