sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
