Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
